Animal jokes
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
*Side eye*
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?
The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.