Animal jokes
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What do you call a stabbed pig?
Porkchopped.
What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?
Pork Chopped!
Hah, got 'em (I guess)!
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.