Animal jokes
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?
To get its wheelchair!
Do you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Neither did she.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.