Animal jokes
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both hang from the tree.
Goosebumps
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.
Why are fish smart?
They live in a school.
Why are fish smart?
They live i a school.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
A chicken is delicious.
What is a cow?
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!