Animal jokes

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

What do crows get after they buy a phone?

A cawing card.

Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.

If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"

The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"

What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

Wet noses.

What did Ahsan do?

Meow meow.

Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?

Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.

What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...

How do you get a monkey off the wall?

You jerk him off!