Animal jokes
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
Memes
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to Chick-fil-A.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
Why did the chicken cross the road?...
To get to the other side.