Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
