Always jokes

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

What place can you always find suicidal cows at?

"McDonald's."

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?

Nukes are bright.

Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.

I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.