My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?
Nukes are bright.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
