Always jokes

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

Because they practice at the best schools.

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.

People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.

Why do Chinese people never play baseball?

Because they always eat the bat.

When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.

Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

What do Africans always play? They play The Hunger Games.

Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?

A. They always seem to punch down.

Why is 10 always scared? Because he was in the middle of 9 and 11.

I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.

It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because it is between 9 and 11.

They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.