Always jokes
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
What do you call a booty that’s always negative?
A pessimist-cheek.
Why do disabled people make good golfers?
Because they're always handicapped.
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.
Why can’t you trust an emo kid?
'Cause they always leave you hanging.
Always me when I “try” to make conversation :
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.
You know what's so horrible about this website?
When I mimic another person's account, the picture ALWAYS changes color. No more identity theft for me.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Why is the number 10 always scared?
Answer: He’s in the middle of 9/11.
What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?
What in the Robot!?