Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
