Age jokes

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

These are bee puns.🐝

I BEElieve you are eager to hear!🐝

I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝

(Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!

What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

There are 40 of them.

Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.

What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?

A belly button.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.