Age jokes

Your hairline goes further back, even further back than the Precambrian Time.

Your forehead and hairline are like friends; they go way back.

What goes up but doesn't come down?

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.

SLADE is proof that mental aging can go in REVERSE.

What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?

They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boomer age?

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.