Aed jokes
Who will join if I make a WJE Discord server?
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Why is basketball such a messy sport?
'Cause the players are always dribbling everywhere!
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What do you call an under-the-weather seven?
A sick seven.
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
You are a fat pig.
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.