Aed jokes

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A tromboner.

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.

What do you call a chair with a hat?

I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?

A tromBONE.

What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?

"Can you give me some pointers?"

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

How much does a hipster weigh?

About an Instagram.

What do you call Flapple asleep? A Napple.

What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?

A hipster!

Hi I did a...

Q: How heavy is a photon?

A: It's light!

Yo' mama is so stupid, she couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.