Aed jokes

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

The priest had a very holy shirt.

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.

My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?

The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.

What do you call an artist who couldn't make it as Hitler?

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

Why does a blind man still have eyes?

So he can see that he can't see.

What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?

They both have a hole in one.

You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

I have no idea how he knew.

Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"