Aed jokes
You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Your forehead got a restraining order from your hairline.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
In a Kahoot, and you're the Twin Tower terrorist: terrorist kill streak 2,996.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.