Aed jokes
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A Gaelic.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What is the Twilight series about?
A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.
I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"
Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.
It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"