Aed jokes
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
Bell is so ugly, she acts like a boy.
Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
What's a ghost's favorite food?
I like some boo-ritos!
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
Why don't fish play basketball?
Because they're scared of the net!
Why can't you play the guitar on a fish?
Because you can't tuna fish!
What do you call an American bee?
A USB!
What fruit likes to go down the slide?
Kiwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
That's all my jokes in mind, y'all!
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?
A: Moonday!
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?
A: It gets pooped out of the bag.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
What did Osama give the Windows on the World restaurant in the WTC as a rating when he ate it? A 9/11!
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.