Aed jokes
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
How do rappers like their pizza?
With extra rhyme-a-jalapenos.
Do people live on the Earth 🌏? Yes, a lot of people live on the Earth 🌎.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.