Aed jokes
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.
I would build you a monument so that you would finally come up with clever thoughts.
Save the plants, eat a vegan.
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.