Aed jokes

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

Sans: What do you have there?

Frisk: A KNIFE!

Sans: NOO!!!

So there was a reason why I hated math.

I suck at problem-solving.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck a plunger down the toilet.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

I want to run. I go Iran, because I RAN, not IRAN, because it’s an Iran joke about the country, not the movement.

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

What do you call a suspicious dog?

A sussy bark-er.

Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!

A goose with no beak, and you eat?

Goose beak salad, file! :)

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"