Aed jokes
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?
A. I forget.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
Your hairline is in a different area code.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?
(Doesn't have boss bar.)