Aed jokes
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?
Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
Which train is loaded with bubble gum?
A chew-chew train.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.
I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!