Aed jokes
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Yo mama so poor, she chased a garbage truck with a shopping list.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...