Aed jokes
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
What is the difference between a black man and Jew?
One was born burnt.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.