Aed jokes
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.
There were three boys on the top of a slide.
The first one went down yelling "gold!" and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted "pillows!" and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted "weeeeeeeee!"
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
"Just killed a woman, feeling good."
- Tommyinnit
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)