Aed jokes
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?
Obi-Wan Canopy
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.
It gave me a discount!
"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What can you say in bed and in piano class? Im fingering A Minor
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣