Aed jokes
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
Who would've known?
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe