Aed jokes
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
yes
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.
What do jokes serve for dessert?
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*