Aed jokes

A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?

The feather, because the rope stopped the child.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.

I need a hug.

*hugs train*

Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

What do you call a group of transgender women?

X-Men.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?

Stop imagining!

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?

Shredded tweet!