Aed jokes
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Andrew drew a picture of Andrew.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
What is a superhero’s 🦸♀️ favorite drink?
Fruit punch!
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.