Aed jokes

Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.

Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.

He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

What does every pirate hate?

A small chest with no booty.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.