Aed jokes
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
What's a name orphans hate to be called?
"Homie."
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.