Self-control jokes

What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?

An edgelord.

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

I did a good job of being home from school.