Aed jokes
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.