Aed jokes

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodle!

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

Want to hear a pizza joke?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.

Why was the booty so good at poker?

Because it always had a good PAIR.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?

"I have runny volcanoes."

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.