Aed jokes
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
That feeling when curry hitting on very sadding day 👌🔥
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"
Miscarriage.
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
What do you call a homosexual wrestler?
Gay Mysterio.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.