Aed jokes

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?

Aaron with a rope.

You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.

What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?

He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.

What do you call a horse that does karate?

A horse.

What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?

About 5000 calories.

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Why did Mary fall off the swings?

She got hit by a refrigerator.

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?

You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."