Aed jokes
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.
What do you call a tent for lesbians?
Finger Hut.
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.