Aed jokes

Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Patient: Good news!

Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?

A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆

What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?

Domi-nose.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.

Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

What do you call a funny mountain?

Hill-arious.

What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?

Nothing, the pee is silent.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2