Aed jokes
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.