Aed jokes
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
Why did a minister who is a Christian nationalist and a bisexual man give anonymous blowjobs to physically handicapped gay men under the handicapped stalls inside the men's restrooms at a rest area?
He wanted to eat footlong hotdogs for lunch at the rest area, but he wanted a sample first (taster).
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Down Syndrome is already a joke.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.