Aed jokes
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Why can't an orphan be a YouTuber? Because most of the videos are family-friendly.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.