Aed jokes
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...
A guy in a white helmet telling kids to kill themselves.
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
When is a cold not a cold?
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
Hi, this is not a joke. Please like, or I will be verrrrrrry sad! -_-
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
Yo mama is so fat, she got locked in a weapon store, and she broke it down without any weapons.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
I was going to tell a joke about a mirror, but it seems that I'm looking at one.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.