Aed jokes
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
Paul's favorite car.
A Carrera GT.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.
I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.