Aed jokes
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.