Aed jokes
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?
He can't choose between black or white.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.