Aed jokes

The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

How do you get a Japanese fanclub? Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.

Your haircut is worse than James Charles picking a gender.

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

I hate wearing a mask in public.

What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.

Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Why did the rapper bring a comb to the concert?

Because he wanted to STYLE his FLOW.

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.

“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"

“Yes," replied Hodja.

“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.

Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.

The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.

“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"

“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.