Aed jokes

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

Why are Egyptian gods orphans?

Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"

Non-binary people: *cries*

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?

I’m gay.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

What do you call a gay barbecue?

LGTBBQ.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”