Aed jokes

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.

I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.

I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.

Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?

Answer: An Investigator

Yo mama so fat, Trump used her like a wall.

This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

Why can't you make fun of a bunny's head?

Because they have a hare-line.

Student: Why does everyone hate me?

Another student: Because U got the A last night.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?

A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.

Roast

You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

What do you call a gay baseball player? A homo-run-sexual.

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?