Aed jokes
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.
Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
😳 😳 😳 what can a physically handicapped ♿ 👬 👨 👨 gay man can do better than a physically handicapped ♿ bisexual man 👨 👩 👨 🤔 when his 👄 mouth is wide open 😍 when his head is sticking out under the stall inside the men's 🚹 restroom 🚻 at a rest 😴 area 😴 suck the chrome of a tall pipe 👄
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.