Aed jokes
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
Depression has a tight grip
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?
Because momma never raised no pussy.
I bought a guh on the weekend.
(what's a guh?)
GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰
I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.
When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"