Aed jokes

Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

You reload and keep shooting.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

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Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

CURRY in a hurry.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.

What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.

What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.

Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.

Why does the nurse need a red pen?

In case she has to draw blood.