Aed jokes
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?