Aed jokes

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?

Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.

An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.

"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.

My life is a joke.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

What's a ghost's favorite food?

I like some boo-ritos!

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

What do you call a sheep obsessed with cars? A Lambo.

Q: Why can't Asians play baseball?

A: Because they ate the bat!

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?

You shout out, "B-52!"

All these bows and arrows and I'd still give more of Jeremy Renner's work a shot.