Aed jokes

You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!

What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with the terrorist.

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?

Absolutely nothing.

What do you call a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Cosby?

Predator.

Boss: Can I do a reference check?

Me: I don’t have a...

*sensei appears*

Me: oh no

Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.

Boss: What's kiz...

Sensei:😈

Me: Oh no, here we go.

Sensei: Kizma AS-

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

Why don’t rappers ever get lost?

They always have a NAVIGATOR dropping the beat.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.

She literally died a crazy bitch.

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.

Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.

What do you call an Israeli strike against Gaza?

A Kike Strike!

I want a bigger couch.

Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.

My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.

Yo mama so fat, she classified as a whole solar system.

How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.

An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"