Strike jokes
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
"Osama bin Laden playing MW2 Air Strike inbound."
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Just told Putin to get some b*tches.
Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.
There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
What is the difference between Obama and Osama?
Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!