Aed jokes
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
What's bad? A nut allergy.
Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...
I drew a picture of Colby.
Too bad it got ripped up 😢
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.