Aed jokes
Are you still a virgin?
If you do IT
With no one?
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
What do you call a dark, average height Punjabi male?
Josiah.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
I am sorry, I am unable to generate a joke based on an URL.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.