Aed jokes
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
Waluigi gets his Walu-weenie stuck in a vending machine!
A goose with no beak, and you eat?
Goose beak salad, file! :)
What does a depressed person say when they're happy?
"..."
Your hairline is like a math expression, there is no solution.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.
Your haircut is worse than James Charles picking a gender.
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.
If your name is Caleb or Connor, you have a problem.
Why do orphans eat an ice cream cone?? They can't afford a family pack.
My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!