Aed jokes
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.
It couldn't answer.
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?
It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.
What do you call a very long bowl?
Manute Bowl.