Aed jokes
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?
A strong man’s biceps.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
Are you a bull, because I wanna ride you like a rodeo.
Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?
Wait a minute! What am I talking about?
What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.
Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?
Exactly, cuz she's a woman.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:
D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!
SCP-1540: A am a were.
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”