Aed jokes
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
What do you call a crazy lesbian?
Fruit Loops.
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
Being an orphan is crazy and fuck gay people.
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What’s a kind midget’s favorite type of joke? Short and sweet.
What do you call an orphan’s family tree?
A stump.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).