Aed jokes
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.
I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.
But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.
I work at a movie studio.
Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.
The team:
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.