Aed jokes
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.