Aed jokes

Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?

Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

2023- my dad is a cop.

1800- my dad owns your dad.

"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.

What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.

I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

Once I read a book about glue.

I couldn't put it down.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Summer wasn't too bad either.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.