Aed jokes
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? What, are you kidding me? I just wanted to tell you a joke!
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.
Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!