What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
How to not exist: Kys.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
