Advice jokes
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
My Dad:,,Dont Smoke its very bad for your health" Also my Dad:
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
How to not exist: Kys.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.