When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.
Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?
Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.
Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?
Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.
LOL xD
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
