Advice jokes
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
My Dad:,,Dont Smoke its very bad for your health" Also my Dad:
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
How to not exist: Kys.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.